What Would You Do? Autism Edition.

Last Friday's episode featured a segment relating to autism. Happily, it seemed like everyone in the cafe stuck up for the family and for the child.

What would you have done? Would the child's behavior have bothered you? Would you have stuck up for him?

I can honestly say that I'd have stood up for him and for his family. They have every right to be there. I was definitely pleased with the support shown to this family.

Autism Awareness: Jacob Barnett

Jake was featured on 60 Minutes. He's a bright child whose skill in mathematics speaks for itself. Being on the spectrum has enabled him to think in different ways, which adds to his knowledge and abilities.

Sure wish I had a knack for math...! Oh well. It's my own fault for not having any interest in the subject whatsoever, ha ha.

April is Autism Awareness Month - 2012

Happy Autism Awareness month!

Recently, I've noticed that there seems to be a lot of negativity regarding autism. Sometimes, the negativity comes from those of us on the spectrum. Throughout the month of April, I'm going to make it a point to post some inspiring and/or optimistic articles, videos, etc. related to autism.

How will you support autism awareness during (and hopefully after) the month of April?

Partners.

Love is a true partnership. After years of wondering if there was anyone out there for me, of wondering if perhaps I’m simply meant to be alone, I found my partner. My life has felt more complete ever since; she was the missing puzzle piece that added color and depth to my life. I wouldn’t say that my life’s puzzle is complete- I hope to have children someday, and their lives will also contribute to my puzzle’s completion- but the addition of my partner filled a large gap in the middle of my life’s puzzle, a gap that had been staring me down for years.

A partner is an equal, someone who stands beside you and supports you through life’s challenges. My previous girlfriend was anything but a partner. She was raised by her mother to believe that the world owed her everything, and that it was acceptable to leech off of anyone and everyone in order to get ahead in the world. I was blinded by my initial impression of her and made some very stupid decisions. I believed her promises, and I truly believed that her character was the opposite of her mother’s, that somewhere deep inside she possessed integrity and morals. I was wrong; at least I learned from the experience.

My ex gleefully felt that she had broken me; she taunted me with petty insults and the threat of “karma.” I’m not sure she understood the meaning of “karma.” Her family stole many of my belongings, taunted me via text message (they were too cowardly to speak with me directly), and otherwise acted like a gang of trailer park children. I changed my phone number and decided to move on. I knew that I would have to work very hard to rebuild the parts of my life that were now in disarray because of my ex’s negativity.

So I did. I worked very hard. I rebuilt my life and stood on my own two feet. I abandoned the negativity of my ex and her family, choosing instead to live in the positivity of each and every moment. I enjoyed the single life for awhile, focusing on myself and my studies. I took some supplemental courses, applied to graduate school, and received a letter of acceptance from UMASS Lowell. I spent more time enjoying the great outdoors and building a relationship with my family.

Eventually, I met my partner. I can’t even compare her to my ex, really; there’s no comparison. My partner is on a much higher level than my ex could ever be. Her family is wonderful, too. It would seem that I abandoned the trashy and cruel for the honest and kind. Her family has been very welcoming, very understanding of my Asperger’s, and I’ve had such a great time getting to know them. It’s nice to be part of a family that’s more family-oriented, more focused on the positive aspects of life and human nature.

My partner is the most amazing person that I’ve ever met. She works hard and focuses on her goals. She learns from her mistakes and uses that knowledge to become even stronger. She’s more talented than she’ll admit and I love each and every moment that we spend together.

I love you, sweetheart. Always and forever. Thank you for making me stronger and sharing my journey with me.

Friendship.

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
-Buddha

One thing I’ve learned in the past few years is that it’s okay to be picky when it comes to choosing friends. To me, there’s a difference between the people I call my friends and the people that I think of as my acquaintances. I’ve always had a lot of acquaintances; they are people that I enjoy hanging out with but not necessarily people that I would have deep, meaningful conversations with. My friends are more like my family; I love to spend time with them, I’ll do anything I can to help them or be there for them, and I tend to have deep, meaningful conversations with them. I trust them much more than I trust my acquaintances.

Being picky in choosing my friends also means that I have the power to decide who is “allowed” into my life. This is something that I struggled with for a long time. The “old” me wanted to be liked by everyone. Accordingly, everyone was allowed into my life, even if they were negative and/or brought nothing to our relationship. The mere presence of such a person in my life had negative repercussions for me. If they were negative, that attitude “poisoned” me; if they brought nothing but drama into my life, I found myself feeling stressed and depressed. Then, one day, the realization hit me: these people did NOT have to be in my life. It was completely in my power to choose who I interacted with and on what level.

As simple as it may seem, this realization had a profound effect on my life. I had an easier time “letting go” of the past, and of the negative people who had occasionally been part of my life. I no longer viewed myself as a failure if a particular relationship just didn’t work out. As a result, I spent less time feeling stressed and depressed, and more time focusing on myself and the things that I enjoy in life.

Don’t get me wrong- if someone makes a mistake, I’m not going to cast them out of my life. I’m not fickle. I just choose to evaluate my friendships and relationships more carefully, and I’m especially careful not to be too giving in the beginning stages of a relationship. I don’t need to bend over backwards for people; if a friendship develops, so be it. If not, then oh well.

Some people don’t really understand when I try to explain this to them. When I explained it to my partner, I used the example of an old friend, whom we will refer to as “J.” J caused a lot of drama in my life, and I only knew her for a short period of time. She spread some very hurtful lies about me. The funniest thing is that she honestly believed in these lies. When she wouldn’t even speak to me regarding the lies, she showed her cowardice and I realized that she would never be any kind of friend to me. Still, the lies really hurt, and they damaged several more important relationships. It took some time to recover from the shock and sting of everything. Having seen J’s true character, I cast her out of my life. I choose not to associate with her or interact with her on any level, and I’m much happier for it. If she came back into my life, I know that she would only bring drama and negativity with her, and I refuse to have any of that in my life. I don’t hate J, nor do I spend any time or energy wishing misfortune on her. I simply want nothing to do with her, or with the negative energy that she would bring to my world.

Feeling empowered to make these decisions is a great self-esteem and confidence booster. Perhaps that’s why I no longer feel like a failure if things don’t work out; I see the choices that I am given, I choose wisely, and I move forward with my life.

What works for me might not work for everyone. Still, I think that a lot of people like me could be happier if they were empowered to make these important decisions. I would encourage anyone reading this to step back and empower yourself. You control your life and your energy, not anyone else. If someone is bringing you down, you have the right and the power to stop them. Just walk away and let it be.