Friendship.

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
-Buddha

One thing I’ve learned in the past few years is that it’s okay to be picky when it comes to choosing friends. To me, there’s a difference between the people I call my friends and the people that I think of as my acquaintances. I’ve always had a lot of acquaintances; they are people that I enjoy hanging out with but not necessarily people that I would have deep, meaningful conversations with. My friends are more like my family; I love to spend time with them, I’ll do anything I can to help them or be there for them, and I tend to have deep, meaningful conversations with them. I trust them much more than I trust my acquaintances.

Being picky in choosing my friends also means that I have the power to decide who is “allowed” into my life. This is something that I struggled with for a long time. The “old” me wanted to be liked by everyone. Accordingly, everyone was allowed into my life, even if they were negative and/or brought nothing to our relationship. The mere presence of such a person in my life had negative repercussions for me. If they were negative, that attitude “poisoned” me; if they brought nothing but drama into my life, I found myself feeling stressed and depressed. Then, one day, the realization hit me: these people did NOT have to be in my life. It was completely in my power to choose who I interacted with and on what level.

As simple as it may seem, this realization had a profound effect on my life. I had an easier time “letting go” of the past, and of the negative people who had occasionally been part of my life. I no longer viewed myself as a failure if a particular relationship just didn’t work out. As a result, I spent less time feeling stressed and depressed, and more time focusing on myself and the things that I enjoy in life.

Don’t get me wrong- if someone makes a mistake, I’m not going to cast them out of my life. I’m not fickle. I just choose to evaluate my friendships and relationships more carefully, and I’m especially careful not to be too giving in the beginning stages of a relationship. I don’t need to bend over backwards for people; if a friendship develops, so be it. If not, then oh well.

Some people don’t really understand when I try to explain this to them. When I explained it to my partner, I used the example of an old friend, whom we will refer to as “J.” J caused a lot of drama in my life, and I only knew her for a short period of time. She spread some very hurtful lies about me. The funniest thing is that she honestly believed in these lies. When she wouldn’t even speak to me regarding the lies, she showed her cowardice and I realized that she would never be any kind of friend to me. Still, the lies really hurt, and they damaged several more important relationships. It took some time to recover from the shock and sting of everything. Having seen J’s true character, I cast her out of my life. I choose not to associate with her or interact with her on any level, and I’m much happier for it. If she came back into my life, I know that she would only bring drama and negativity with her, and I refuse to have any of that in my life. I don’t hate J, nor do I spend any time or energy wishing misfortune on her. I simply want nothing to do with her, or with the negative energy that she would bring to my world.

Feeling empowered to make these decisions is a great self-esteem and confidence booster. Perhaps that’s why I no longer feel like a failure if things don’t work out; I see the choices that I am given, I choose wisely, and I move forward with my life.

What works for me might not work for everyone. Still, I think that a lot of people like me could be happier if they were empowered to make these important decisions. I would encourage anyone reading this to step back and empower yourself. You control your life and your energy, not anyone else. If someone is bringing you down, you have the right and the power to stop them. Just walk away and let it be.