Seven Years

It's been seven years since Hurricane Katrina. Every year, around this time, I start to feel anxious. Some part of me seems to be reliving the entire catastrophe: the lack of sleep, confusion, anxiety, and depression, among other things. I feel as though there's something I ought to be doing or someone that I need to call. I guess these are the lingering effects of a life-changing event.

New Orleans: "proud to crawl home." The city has a way of seeping into you. It can be ugly, it can be beautiful, but it never ceases to be fascinating. The city becomes a part of you, a quiet hum that wraps itself around your heart and keeps time with each step.

I love my hometown and I can't stop thinking about it today, especially since Isaac decided to show up. Hurricanes and all, I'd rather be there than here.

"Horse Piss"

A friend of mine recently posed the following question on Facebook: what crazy misconceptions or lies did you believe as a kid (or heck, up until recently)?

Her question reminded me of something that I sincerely believed as a child. When I was very little, I remember asking my dad about beer. His usual response was that beer was "horse piss." Being very young, and taking his words literally, I spent several years of my childhood believing that beer was literally horse piss.

As you can imagine, I conjured up some strange mental pictures when I imagined the whole process of "making" and bottling beer.

In reality, there is an actual horse piss beer.

On a side note, I wouldn't recommend using Google to search for humorous "horse piss" images. The results were anything but humorous. I think my eyes are going to melt.

Thanks for the bizarre childhood tales, dad.

...In Which Farrah Abraham Tries To Sing

I've been quiet for the past week. My apologies; things were a little hectic and my body decided that I should be absolutely exhausted, just to complicate things. I have some fun posts to finish up this weekend. In the meantime, enjoy this music video from Teen Mom's Farrah Abraham. Yep, that's right... Farrah has decided to try her hand at singing. She wrote and produced a soundtrack to accompany her book release. Now, I haven't read the book just yet, but apparently it's earned a spot on the New York Times bestseller list.

Her album, on the other hand... well, I don't think that will be winning any awards. Not unless they present her with an award for truly awful music. Seriously, it's just Farrah "singing" over a bunch of synthesized garble. If nothing else, at least it's funny for a minute or so... until your eye begins to twitch and you can feel your brain cells dying.

The music scene just ain't for you, hon.

More Romney Lulz

Mitt Romney is honest and just bursting with integrity... or so his wife, Ann Romney, says. Beyond paying their taxes, they also donate 10% of their income to charity. Oh, Ann... you and Mitt so cray cray. Hon, it's not a "charitable donation" - it's called tithing, and it's something required by the LDS church if you wish to remain a member in good standing. Of course, since Mitt's religious background could have a negative impact with the voters, I guess they're trying to downplay it. Too bad they suck at lying. Really, with all of the lying they do, you'd think they would be better at it.

As I said, tithing isn't a charitable donation - it's required in order to be in "good standing" with the LDS church. A full tithe is 10% of a Mormon's gross income. That includes ALL income - employment, medicare, social security, unemployment, and all those dollar bills stashed in your g-string. To make matters worse, members are expected to meet one-on-one with their bishop each year just to disclose their tithing habits. You can bet that meeting gets all kinds of awkward if it's discovered that you're not paying a full tithe.

So what happens if you don't tithe? Well, to put it simply: you're screwed. If you're not paying a full 10% tithe, you lose your Temple Recommend. Without that, you can't enter the Temple and you're in serious jeopardy of losing your "Celestial blessings." Seriously, if you can't enter the Temple, you're pretty much banned from traditional Mormon wedding. Worse, you won't be able to enter the "Celestial Kingdom" once you're dead.

If you're still wondering just how seriously the Mormons view their tithing habits, consider this quote: "If a destitute family is faced with the decision of paying their tithing or eating, they should pay their tithing." Thank you, Lynn Robbins (General Conference of 2005).

The LDS church earns approximately $7 billion a year from tithing. That can buy a lot of shopping malls.

Come on, Mitt. Be real. You're not donating to "charity." The LDS church can hardly be considered a charity. I haven't seen any other "charities" working so hard to deny civil rights to specific groups (coughProposition8cough).

I just... ugh. There are no words.

50 Shades of Lame

This just might be one of the best literary (and I use the term loosely) reviews that I've ever read. I haven't read 50 Shades of Grey, but I have the feeling that I'm not missing out on much, except for some very humorous dialogue and general awkwardness. Maybe someday, I'll be bored enough to check it out, at least for the comedic value. For now, this review is enough. Even if you like 50 Shades of Grey, you'll probably get a good laugh out of this review. Genius.

Check it out.

Do it. I dare you.